Anyhow, I wanted to give a shout out to Tom Wark, whose blog Fermentations is one of my favorites. This quote caught my eye today:
If you must drink when heartbreak or disappointment envelopes you, choose wine over spirits. The relative lower alcohol content allows you to ease into your drunk more slowly, giving you valuable time to figure out good reasons why it was all her fault and not yours. However, if the heartbreak is entirely your fault, use bourbon or gin.
Obviously, I completely agree with Mr. Wark.
That being said, here's a random list of the top five wines you should consider for whatever purposes you have in mind the weekend after next:
- Sparkling wine is an obvious and excellent choice. Try a Moscato d'Asti from Kermit Lynch for ten bucks: it's beautiful, gently pétillant, and best of all extremely low in alcohol, so you won't get completely trashed before you leave home for dinner.
- On the other hand, if your aim is to get the object of your desires so incredibly fuckin' trashed that you'll wind up having sloppy sex on the bedroom floor (if you're lucky, or in the plus-size ladies' changing room at Gottschalks if you badly midjudged things), it's hard to go with the Luchador Shiraz from Chris Ringland and company. It's probably really delicious, too (no, I haven't tried it).
- If you're stuck on a date with someone you're just not that into, I suppose you could always try ordering something so incredibly bad that it'll ruin the evening. On the other hand, the shared experience might just create a bond that wasn't there at the beginning of the evening. Either way, anything from Turning Leaf might just do the trick. Their Pinot noir is especially horrifying.
- If you've successfully made it back from a tedious, overpriced meal at some local restaurant that still stacks things in towers / assaults them with squeeze-bottle drizzle just like it's 1990 all over again, then some sweet, rich dessert wine probably won't hurt. Jonesy port used to be easy to find in California for well under ten bucks, and I hope it still is, because it's gonna be a rainy weekend in San Diego and it goes well with that too.
- Finally, I'll close this list out with a suggestion that - if you're not a wine drinker - that you put aside your beery, Captain Morgan-y ways for one day and give it a try. Head up to Vintage Wines San Diego or some other awesome indie wine shop near you and try to find a bottle of Bitch. (You Kathy Griffin fans may have noticed a bottle of that hiding out when she shot the cover for A Bear's Crate and Barrel Aficionado Monthly during IBR last year, but I digress.) It's eight bucks, it's pink, it's got girly script on it, and it will blow your mind. Seriously. Just pour it in a nice big glass (you know, the really big ones that drag queens use to make their wrists look small), swirl it like a fool, and pay attention to what you're smelling, because: awesome. Also, get someone else to drive because it is way alcoholic.