Christopher Pratt (cpratt) wrote,
Christopher Pratt

Dear wine writers of the world

Enough already with fawning articles about grüner veltliner. Some quick facts for you:

  • Don't use phrases like "increasingly popular" or "soaring in popularity." Just because B-list restaurants in B-list cities are adding it in a desperate attempt to appear hip doesn't mean anyone is actually buying the stuff apart from Grant Achatz wannabes in places like Bellevue.
  • Face the facts: No one really likes white wine that smells like snap peas and tastes like sauvignon blanc with all of the flavor leached out.
  • Folks don't drink what they can't pronounce. Sorry. There's a reason we don't call blaufränkisch blaufränkisch here in Washington State.
  • No matter how often you write it, fact of the matter is that no self-respecting individual has ever ordered a glass of "Grü-V." Even the most jaded self-aware awash-in-irony hipster would never call it that. If they wanna be ironic, they'll order a Manhattan.
  • Finally, if you really have to champion obscure European white wines, get a clue and go with albariño from Rias Baixas or maybe even Slovene malvasia bianca. Austria is not now, nor has Austria ever been remotely cool, Hermes Phettberg notwithstanding.

That is all.
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