Christopher Pratt (cpratt) wrote,
Christopher Pratt
cpratt

I think my brain is about to hemorrhage

I just started writing my annual performance review for Microsoft.

This has got to be the most brain dead piece of shit I'll write all year.

You'd think that at some point corporations would give up on excessively long winded review forms, and just keep things simple: Did you do your job? What did you do especially well? Were your customers satisfied?

But no. Instead, I'm supposed to identify exactly which Microsoft values and core competencies I express while doing individual tasks. This is of course absurd: I didn't think about "passion" or "self-critical" while I wrote up more bug reports than anyone else in my department; I just did it because it's what I'm paid to do. I wasn't thinking about "big challenges" or "accountable" when I shipped Pocket MSN; I just know how to ship great software, and I did.

So, off I go to generate a 100% buzzword enabled, totally content-free document that in theory will be used to decide whether or not I get raise, but in practice is of course totally irrelevant, as it's about 95% likely that question has already been answered prior to me writing this document.
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  • 12 comments

  • It's July 2013.

    Remember when I wrote a lot on LiveJournal? Yeah, me neither.

  • Steve

    I'm not surprised by Jobs' death, and of course my inner cynic wants to blame homeopathy or whatever the hell it was he was into; an anecdote that…

  • Wein Keller

    It took ten days to clear Canadian customs and make it to San Diego, but Dan just installed the replacement thermostat for our crappy wine cabinet…