Christopher Pratt (cpratt) wrote,
Christopher Pratt
cpratt

God damn it.

Well, I decided at the very last minute to accompany Dan to the King's Arms here in swinging London, the only bear(ish) bar in town. Got there about seven-thirty; the place was already packed, smoky, and I was as usual terribly uncomfortable with the whole thing.

What do you do in a place like that? If you're part of a couple, it's only frustrating to me - you may see other attractive men, but what in God's name are you going to do? Ditch your partner and go home with someone else? (Not to mention the whole mess of staying at your parents' flat - it just wouldn't work.)

Somehow I managed to stay for one beer and convince Dan we should go shopping at Marks and Spencer instead. That went well enough - I now have comfy new PJs and a decent flannel shirt to wear for the first time in years - but walking back to the Tube station from M and S, I actually (for the first time in recent memory) flirted with / cruised someone else, a handsome young Bear in a peacoat. I couldn't believe it happened. But what was I supposed to do? Leave Dan and follow the guy to see if anything came of it?

It's at time like this that I really, really hate the way that one's libido seems to never shut up, to always insert itself into situations like this. On the one hand, I know that only ever staying home results in no irritating incidents like tonight's; on the other hand, I know that home life doesn't satisfy enough for me to handle that long-term.

So what exactly do I do? Leave Dan? Not go out? Somehow resign myself to going out but being frustrated?

There are other complications here that a few of my closest friends are familiar with, but in short, this is really fucking with my head. Grrrrrr.
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