Christopher Pratt (cpratt) wrote,
Christopher Pratt
cpratt

Dear American garment industry:



I just got back from Target - I had to go buy a green can of Parmesan-like cheese for dinner, plus some Tuna Helper and underwear.

As if the Levi's 501 debacle weren't enough, Hanes have gone and changed my underwear as well.

It was bad enough no longer feeling sexy due to the redesigned 501s [or, rather, the reintroduction of an older 501 jean not sold since the 1950s], but now that I will no longer be able to buy the correct underwear that went with the jeans, all future hawtness has been indefinitely ruled out.

I have a dirty little secret. I like to buy clothes that make me feel good while I'm wearing them. I know, it is teh ghey, but dammit, I like to feel good about myself [daggy short sleeve plaid shirts notwithstanding]. I really felt good wearing simple all white Hanes underwear plus nice, form-fitting [that's the polite way of saying "tight, makes my ass look good"] 501 jeans... but nope, that's impossible now.

I have another dirty little secret: I'm cheap. I have been known to buy the $1 underwear they sell at Mervyn's - the loose pairs left behind when someone shoplifts most of a multi-pack of underwear. A few months ago, when I bought these heinous new 501s, I also grabbed some Hanes underwear. One of those pairs, an annoying olive color pair of briefs that was obviously designed for eunuchs judging by the way I can't help but grape it when I'm wearing them, features Hanes' newest marketing gizmo: a redesigned waistband in a light grey color. This waistband sucks. It's annoyingly tight - it's like having a thick rubber band pinching your gut all day long.

And guess what? Good old fashioned Hanes briefs all have this tight, grey waistband. They're not all white anymore.

Dammit, this sucks. Is it too early to have a midlife crisis? Or am I going to have to get all Brooks Brothers-y now? You know, blue boxer shorts, corduroy jackets with elbow patches... chinos?

*shudder*
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  • It's July 2013.

    Remember when I wrote a lot on LiveJournal? Yeah, me neither.

  • Steve

    I'm not surprised by Jobs' death, and of course my inner cynic wants to blame homeopathy or whatever the hell it was he was into; an anecdote that…

  • Wein Keller

    It took ten days to clear Canadian customs and make it to San Diego, but Dan just installed the replacement thermostat for our crappy wine cabinet…