Christopher Pratt (cpratt) wrote,
Christopher Pratt
cpratt

I hate Apple.

There, I've finally said it.

I hate Apple.

I hate their making you wait for six months for a IIvx - and then shipping the much faster Centris 650 for less money the week after you took your IIvx home.

I hate Apple's return policy.

I hate Apple's slow as fuck LaserWriter Select 310 - the only PostScript printer I've ever seen take over thirty minutes to print a single QuarkXPress page.

I hate Apple's repeated idiot pose that improved typography will snare new customers. GX didn't work, OS X isn't any better, PDF be damned.

I hate Apple's cancellation of all employee sabbaticals in 1998.

I hate Apple's hockey puck mice.

I hate the Apple Multimedia Kit for Windows. I even more hate Apple's decision to pull it from the market and drop support for it without crediting retailers for existing inventory.

I hate AppleLink. Specifically, I hate AppleLink pricing, and I hate the way you had to get your price lists from AppleLink only.

I hate the 300bps GeoPort "modems" that turned your 8100 into a IIci, speed-wise.

I hate each and every one of the bizarre video connectors they've foisted upon their customers over the years, with a special hatred of the video ports on first generation Power Macs.

I hate comparisons of Apple with Mag-Lite. I hate comparisons of Apple's market share to BMW's market share.

I hate idiots who insist that replacing BSD/Mach/Darwin/whatever with Linux will result in an invincible operating system.

I hate Apple's fucked up licensing for the OPENSTEP runtime libraries on Win32. I hate their decision to magically stop talking about Yellow apps. I hate their decision to drop OPENSTEP/Intel, Rhapsody on Intel, or whatever you want to call it. Mac OS X Server doesn't count.

I hate the same fucking demo they trot out at every Macworld that shows Photoshop is able to do something very specific faster than a Wintel PC. I really fucking hate their insistence that a 500 MHz G4 is faster than a 2 GHz Pentium 4 PC. Velocity engine, my ass.

I hate their endless delays with shipping a next generation OS. I really fucking hated having to deal with Copland builds on a 6100 with another Mac attached via serial cable for debugging. I hate the hemming and hawing, the changing of requirements... Don't worry, any PowerPC will be fine. No, wait, just not the 603e. Or the 604. Or low end G3s. Or.....

I hate the hard to access memory banks on the Quadra 840av. I hate always cutting the top of my hand on the IIvx case. I really fucking hate having to add RAM to an early iMac.

I hate Mac users who will never upgrade from Emailer because they would never want to use a Microsoft product. I really hate Mac users who insist Eudora is a perfectly wonderful application.

I hate Apple's mystical naming schemes of recent years: Bronze, Wall Street, "the one with the lozenge as opposed to the hockey puck", etc.

I hate the Mac OS input method for diacritical marks. Every time I have to type résumé, naïve, or 5, I fear and loath that stupid DA, those lame keyboard shortcuts.

I hate the shitty plastic pen they give you for returning the warranty card.

I hate the Apple Store. I hate people that think the Apple Store is wonderful because it uses WebObjects. Most of all, I hate their outrageous pricing.

I hate the Apple insistence that a single application that can do something means that it can do it well, and that it is better than the twenty Windoze apps that could do the same something.

I hate the way Apple thinks that they have anything whatsoever to contribute to modern computing. They are utterly irrelevant, about as useful as a Banyan VINES server in a whorehouse.

But most of all, I hate people that idolize Apple. To paraphrase William Shatner: Get a life. I worked for Apple for almost four years. I managed a CompUSA Macintosh department. And I know better than anyone else that everyone loves an underdog. But the simple fact of the matter is this: if you people would just give up and move on, we'd all be better off. However, when a few important apps' developers are spending all their time porting to OS X instead of doing a decent Win32 version, we'll never move forward. If it weren't for the addiction to, say, Photoshop etc., Apple wouldn't be sucking away all your available cash to sell you an underpowered machine for double what the competition charges, translucent plastics be damned.

Apple is a company. They exist to make money. Their profits are coming out of your pockets, and you aren't getting much of value in return. Yes, their "evangelists" have you drinking the Kool-Aid, believing that what you're paying so dearly for is innovative and loads better than the competition, but it isn't. The productivity benefits rarely exist - Apple hasn't invested in UE R&D since the early 80s. The ease of use does not always exist. The TCO arguments are flawed. It's all a pack of lies foisted upon an unsuspecting world by a pack of capitalist running dogs in Cupertino. Don't you believe a word of it.
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  • 15 comments

  • It's July 2013.

    Remember when I wrote a lot on LiveJournal? Yeah, me neither.

  • Steve

    I'm not surprised by Jobs' death, and of course my inner cynic wants to blame homeopathy or whatever the hell it was he was into; an anecdote that…

  • Wein Keller

    It took ten days to clear Canadian customs and make it to San Diego, but Dan just installed the replacement thermostat for our crappy wine cabinet…